the reoccuring dream ☽

I have recently had this strange dream that keeps coming back to me. Those who do not know my backgroung with dreams really quick recap; I tend to see these super vivid dreams and I used to dream every night. I also have crazy sleep paralyzis experiences which made me freak out more than fifty times. Usually my dreams have this really negative vibe, but I can not straightly say that they are nightmares as they are so common to me that I do not get shook when I experience them.

But once in a while, maybe 1 dream out of 50 dreams is positive, and when it is positive it is magnificent. All in all since I have been 18 I have had troubles of falling asleep without some enterntainment or another person next to me. Sometimes I tried to get rid of that but I have finally accepted it.

Back to that dream tho. I keep seeing this weird dream where I always somehow end up in my first home here in Tallinn. I really loved that apartment first. It was two room apartment in seventh floor in downtown. It was modern and cozy just how I liked it. It had a little too big bedroom just for one person, but it was very cozy. Now every time I see that dream I am somehow in that apartment, either alone or with some of my friend. And in that dream I know I suppose not to be there. Ofcourse not, because I do not live there anymore.

I know that in any given moment the next owner could come in and it gives me anxiety to be there, but at the same time I feel like home. The apartment doesn’t have any of my own furnitures anymore inside of it, nor it looks like the same home that I had, but in some of the closets there are still stuff that belongs to me. Those pretty little things that I still own, are not very important to me, but they are still there, present in that dream where I wondering in somebody elses home now.

So this dream keeps reoccuring to me. The core fo the dream is same, but often is shapes a bit; one time I moved there and slept in the same couch I way too often used to fell asleep after I came home from the studio or a night out. I always somehow know that somebody lives there but they are not often home, so I keep feeling this thing to visit that apartment. And in that dream, I still have the key to that apartment.

I truly do not know what that means.
If there is some good dream analysts behind the screens I am more than happy to hear your thoughts regarding this.

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