My insecurities don’t pay my rent ☽

As a disclamer; some my new purchases and stuff I really fancy currently & what has happened lately in form of pictures but after pics there is more texts which comes straight from my soul!

Social media is a good way to track what did you do a year ago. It is a good way to track your progress. I woke up today from last’s night gig to the info that I was on an Estonian telly today.
It was a good surprise to wake up. Actually there is no better way to wake up to be more specific.

I have been very careful lately with the media I consume and what kind of souls I hang around with. Because I simply think people like Zach Sang should be more in this planet. I am still struggling to remember that life comes and goes as circles but I do believe I am getting better at it day after day. And when the circle is on highest round I will take everything out of it. (I am also knocking on a door table because we mytchilal creatures in North believe it prevents from bad luck when things are good)

I have always been the weird kid and the one not fitting in. Finally I have found a place how to use it as my power. Also being kind and this emphatic person which I couldn’t really use as an advantage in my previous life has now became my first tool whatever task I will take up on. I am very lucky to have found the thing I love to do in life and get paid from that.

Me growing up in a culture where kindess was seen as wekaness gave me insecurities that I couldn’t use as my advantage. It needs to be said that, I most certainly do not blame my parents or place for it, because most of the stuff I have now and who I am now is thanks to my parents and all the things I have gone trhough in my life.

Me without being struggling through all those years I wouldn’t be standing in my Balenciagas now living the best life I have and I am grateful for that.

When I entered my business world I made a real clear decision that I will never make a compromise of my own values and who I am as a person. I wear what I like and I be who I am without apologizen anyone anything. I am who I am and I am enough that was the core power that has carried me to this point. And really, when it gives you this result that you feel valued and accepted as who you are, you know you have done something right. So that is my superpower, what’s yours?

I have finally stopped caring and undesrtood that people come and go and that is natural circle of life; there will always be a better people coming and showing you the love you deserve and you are at the same time able to show them your love they deserve, and that is one of the most healing experiences ever. So I have learned to love, but also to let go. God thank you for that.

And for the first time I feel like my pain and experience have a meaning and I am lucky to be able to share it with people and see them benefit from it. It is amazing how life can change. From one year a apart I didn’t have any of my life pieces together and I wasn’t satisfied many of the life areas and now all the sudden I have found myself in situation completely opposite.

Now I have this safety net- because I feel like most of the parts of my life are more than well put together. So if one fails I still have opportunities to go from a b c d …. and also X. Which nobody never thoughts really. And this is something I am so grateful and humble, but also very much privileged to have. It is really amazing how fast things can change in your life. so as Winston Churchill would say “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” It is gonna get better, sis.

I mean, I was loving my high school love ten years still after- and I mean these ten years if he would come to my door and ask me to leave my life and come with him I would do that. And that was one of the most heartbreaking thing to carry with me on a daily basis. Maybe you it sounds ridiculous- but there are deeper levels in that- which I won’t go into now.

And now I can finally say I don’t think in that way. I still think he is a great guy- but it doesn’t take the fact away that I have learned to love the circles of life as they are. People come and people go and your job is to adapt to it. The more you resist it the more you will suffer from it. So you decide.

I will never be ready. I grow and form every single day by the people who around me and by the environment I am at, but finding to do something that you really love and in the sense, giving something to other people is where my heart truly belongs. There is no better feeling that seeing someone to success in help of your support. And I also, therefor, very humbly think that is meaning of the life.

Some people found it on sixties- I did now. There are plenty of other reasons why life is now good- specifically but I do believe that you understand I can’t and I don’t want talk all about it on this public platform. But if you know me personally you know what things and who you are. I am so happy to be peace with my style and my inner person. It has been one of a ride but damn how happy I am now.

and one more thing-

I am nobody to give an advice but if you take something out of this post, take this. Do what you love and aim to that, eventhough you do not know specifically what it will be. Never let anyone to make boundaries to your dream how cliche it is -it’s true. The rest will fall in places.

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