Martha Graham said that and I think she was not wrong. I am still up late and I think I should be sleeping already hours ago. I have been in bed the whole time but somehow I came across my old dancing videos where I gave a workshop to our lovely dance group starlight here in Tallinn, couple of years ago. The video was put together by my dance teacher here in Tallinn, and I put it to my IG stories if you want to check it out.
It really made miss those times. But moreover– it made me miss the version of me I was back then. I haven’t been able to dance in several months because my health issues, more specifically those lung issues that has stopped lately. So far, atleast. Sometimes they come back, but most of the time it is more than okay. Not to be a pussy, but seriously I do not know how I hold it together without dancing and a proper physical safety net around me here in Tallinn.
I think the year 2015 was beside my oh so sweet high school years one of the most happiest years in my life. I still do remember coming late in evenings to my home and just falling asleep. I didn’t use alcohol much, and I spent most of my time in dancing studios. It really wasn’t the goal, but it was the journey- and that was why I liked it so much. It is so weird to describe dancing to someone who has never done it.
I would love to say that dancing is a therapy for your soul and body, but really, it is not enough. It is a friend. Or a family member, if you wish.
If somebody would show me the version of me in early autumn 2017 to the girl who I was in 2015 I bet I wouldn’t recognize me. Along the lines I experienced a lot of fun and exciting things that I had never experienced before (!) and let myself drift somewhere where dancing slipped away from my fingers and I found something that I thought was better. I traded dancing to the experiences that I haven’t had before.
And as history oh- so often repeats itself, I was going the same path over and over again. Curiousity often leads to trouble and that was what I was.
A curious and a trouble (:-D). The problem with curiousity is, that once the fog and new excitment is gone, you found yourself in middle of nowhere not having fun anymore- and you can not find your way back to home anymore. But dancing never does that to you.
And really, the only person I can point the finger is me, myself and I.
But the good news are I can also make the change to go back to dancing, so alright folks dancing with the stars here I come!:D
no but really. I freaking miss dancing.
but mostly- I miss me.