tore my shirt to stop you bleedin’ ☾

Dear internet friends,
I haven’t been able to write for a while mainly for two reason;
1) there has been some IT issues with my blog, I can not add pictures properly
2) I am still struggling still with my lungs
I promised the post about Pena, but I swear I will write about him once I get into a bit healthier condition.
So my state is getting worse. Now it is difficult to breathe all the time and it burns constantly deep in my lungs. I get easily tired but I still try to stay positive.
I spent yesterday many hours in hospital and they took altogether 9 small bottles of blood out of me,

they scanned my lungs, did really many different breathing tests. Everybody treated me nicely and the lung specialist was really professional. It feels so much more comforting go to the hospital when you still feel like you can function, because usually I just go there when the things get extreme.

But still, it truly sucks.
I have been extremely lucky to been rather healthy my whole life and now these past 4 months have really made to rethink the life. Ofcourse it sucks to be in pain almost all the time, but I can still not know if this lung thing is good for me or bad from me.
Because I can simply not know how this will effect my life in the future.
I think life is about perspectives. It is not bullshit that if you REALLY want something you get it.
Because the burn is so strong inside that it drives you to your outcome.
And the thing is, once you run out of choices you really can do anything.
If somebody is saying you that you need to do 100 jumping jacks with broken lungs to get  ten bucks you prolly won’t do it.  But if you have to do 100 jumping jacks with broken lungs or otherwise you will be killed, you will probably will do them.
You need to be hungry.
It is always much more rewarding to be in the process to be climbing to the mountain than be on top of it, really.
because I have gone through some well let’s say – not so fun times in my life – like we all are,
I know that there is somehow how I can change this to the better.
It is sometimes hard to stay positive, but oh my god I promise to try my best.
And I truly believe once everything gets clear, it is only a bad memory later on.
I try to think it is all temporary.
And if it is not-
then I will pack my bags for the last time and start traveling around the world by doing things I really love.
I love you guys.
Thank you for being there for me & understanding me always.
I appreciate it a lot.

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