“if I know why people hate confident women so much I had probably done something about it already” said Miller in his latest Genius Verified interview. I truly have thought that thing since I was a kid. Why can we not just encourage each other and give compliments to each other for gods sake :D! And not so often focus on the negative side of things. What is there that often other people (and I hate to admit this but often also women) try to tear other women down by telling rumours and talking about them behind their backs. And usually those are the worst copy cats because they are so lost who they really are, even though they try to make it seem like something else. Once someone asked me if I felt like I had wall around me and I thought that was a tough question. When I asked the same thing about him- he said no. Because he didn’t have anything to cover from other people and he was confident enough to need any walls. That hit me hard.
Being able not to care, was a lesson my mother taught me a long time. Not to pay attention to what other people think about you because it doesn’t have any influence on you. And I think that was one of the most valuable things she ever has taught me. In my mind, there are two kinds of people. People who do things- and people who speak about those who do things. And the great thing is, you can decide which role you take.
I have coached a lot of different groups in dancing, and I found out really early that the trust+honesty+understanding is the main asset that needs to feed in the group in order to make in functional. And I still– in all the different leading areas do believe in that. So that was what we always did with my groups, we built trust. And ofcourse danced a bit meanwhile.
Once the girls opened up to me some crisis that was going on with other girls from different school. You know the teenage drama we all have been through. So I told them what I had learned about really early phase in my life. Solve the problem straight with them face-to-face boldly,kindly but if that is not possible because the opposite side then do not care. People don’t talk about you if you are nobody. They don’t pay attention to, because they don’t care. So be proud about that and just let it be, and focus on positive things. Shit talking behind somebodys back is a coward thing to do– and even more coward thing is to have the fake face around them. So as said, my best advice to you if ever getting bullied, or being around toxic people, just don’t let them inside your skin. And after that, you realize you are invincible. Growing up knowing what you truly like and who you truly are and being honest to yourself is the most valuable gift you can ever gain. And it makes you think all those lost years and miss them because once you paid attention what other people rumoured about you. Oh damn wear that crown proudly.
However, sometimes it can be hard. We are living in a world where some or most of us, whatever you like are international. We go abroad and get know to new people, we change places where we work, we travel, we leave and we start again. And that is great! but there is also shady side of that. Living that kind of lifestyle is something that was much harder to earlier generations to do. All af the sudden we have all the information in our hands and we do not know where to put it. We know too much about good life and we know too much about opportunities we have- when before people just focused on their own circle, because they did not have an option. And- I truly believe that is the reason why we speak about that we are the generation of anxiety. It is not easy to live in one place when you have left pieces of your heart from other places in the world.
And sometimes these things create a gap between the generations. it is easy to say to someone that just be happy what you have when there is roof on the top of your head, there is no war and you have food. And oh man- how grateful we have to be about that. But still– it does not take the feeling of emptiness away and I totally get that. And that is the problem of our generation to struggle and I think it is our responsibility not to dig those people down, but hear them and understand them. But the same thing like someone despising you about being confident, is with anxiety. Do not let it get under your skin, and you will be invincible.
But Tara, how I will do that? If had answer to that I think I had already done something about it.
-oh and by the way, if someone is copycatting you, take it as HUGE compliment. They want to be you so bad, so you know you are doing something right.