feeling comfortable in my own skin & nitesky ☾

Just a few minutes ago, I was sitting in our backyard and watching the nightsky. It was first time I saw stars when staying in my new apartment. I was sitting there and thinking how things always in life finally turn out to be alright. The things once felt overwhelming are now just a sweet memory which makes my heart a bit fuller. Who on earth would guess that. Not me atleast, maybe some psychic. Oh shit- I said I was psychic. Well I think we have to reconsider that again. So there I was sitting in my brand new backyard and thinking about how I can today lay on my bed and watch these same stars straight from my own bed through my roof window. How lucky I felt.

I was planning to move years away from my previous apartment, but finding a nice apartment in Tallinn is not easy. It has a lot to do with unbalanced rent prices, and high demand. It is natural that I postponed to leave my old apartment so far. It was big, it was in a good area in Tallinn.

Finally when I spent my first night in my new apartment I felt tittitidii nobody can guess -lost. But now I feel very comfy and fine. I knew there is always something I fell in love with new places and one of those things are our backyard. There are apple trees outside and I feel like people in this area are more like me. The previous house was fullfilled with rich Estonian families with kids and our backyard was not really nice. I lived a life of 45-year-old persons life and I had way too much space there. It was damn beautiful apartment, but it was not home. This is now my home and I am grateful that one of strongest sides is being able to adapt to change. Ofcourse, it was a bit hard to adapt to new place when this new one is so much smaller and different than the earlier one, but I truly, and I am honest here, believe that is my time now to see the life a bit different perspective now.

I know that it is easy to get an impression of me when you walk me on the street that I am pretty shallow and all I care is Louis Vuitton bags and fancy rooftop parties. And there is nothing wrong thinking that about me. And I do not deny that I don’t love my speedy bag, but I mean -there is much more in my world than that. Those things are amazing -and it feels so empowering to buy something you have been wanting really long time by yourself. Bu there is more in life than that.

So moving on. I came inside, made a cup of tea what my friend gave to me ( <3 ) & layed down into my bed. There was not a single issue that bothered me, nor made me worry. There was not a single thing why I needed music to quiet my mind. And that feeling I have been missing.

This summer got myself closer to my friends by telling them how I really feel about them. Don’t get me wrong, I am really easy person to give compliments for people who I think are pretty, or have new beautiful hair or clothes, but talking really about my deepest secrest has never been my strongest suit. And during this summer was what I did. The summer wasn’t anything I anticipated or planned it to be but damn well it was still beautiful in its own way. I feel that I came also more close to myself and that person who I really am. I became to be comfortable who I am.

I am really eager to get my ass back to the dance studio and get into my routines again. I feel like standing on my two own feet is something that makes me happy now. I have been lately talking a lot to my new internet friends (:-D) who are funny as hell. They make me feel good about myself and that is something I have also lately discovered. I should spend time more with people who make me feel good & confident about myself. And I feel so naive only now to realize that. There was this one quote which said “If you don’t belong, don’t be long” and I felt that. In addition all this love around me,  I have also spent time alone. And by spending time alone I mean- it has been pretty light here.

hope your life is fulled with light too, and if it is not -I bet it is coming.

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